Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
