Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
