I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
