how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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