didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
operation have a gay friend backfired
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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