I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
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