DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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