Define "chronic" masturbator.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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