A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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