I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
