My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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