Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
