there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
