The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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