Dude my mom stole all your condoms
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
They have beer where we have blood.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
