I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
