My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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