I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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