I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
