Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
