i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
