so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
you had me at cake vodka
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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