Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
