so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
