I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
