just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
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I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
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Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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