I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
