I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
