Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
