so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
