my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
THAT is your concern right now?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.