is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.