So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I said "one day" and that day is not today