The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
It's rum buckets o'clock
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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