I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
