Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
They took my balls.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Randomize
