I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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