I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
