That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
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