As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
