I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
