I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
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