Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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