normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Your penis caused this!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
