Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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