Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
