I must be too annoying 4 u.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
