is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
