no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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