i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
