actually, I'm a sock model
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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