So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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