yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
