you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
