Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Randomize
