Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize