I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
