I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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