apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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