The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
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