Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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