did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
