i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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