i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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