He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
