did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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