so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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