Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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