i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
now i know why i became what i already was.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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