Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
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