Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
