so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
